


The Most Dangerous Thing Is To Love

by soclosethatisafruit



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Angst, Brian is sad in the sun, Guilt, Hurt No Comfort, Other, Self-Hatred, definitely not a vent fic, he/it brian, this is all just Brian thinking about Fort Galfridian and how the mechs left him in a sun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27252154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soclosethatisafruit/pseuds/soclosethatisafruit
Summary: During his time spent in the sun, Brian reminisces on Fort Galfridian and his crew.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	The Most Dangerous Thing Is To Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is just me in a brian kinshift venting  
> Title from Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths

They loved him. He knew that. Even if they were all emotionally stunted murderous bastards, they did love him. They did. He had to hold onto that. Because if they didn’t really love him, they wouldn’t come back. And they had to come back. They had to. He thought about his first death, and the cold, it had all been so cold, alone, dark, certain no one would come for him. He had never really understood how people said that extreme cold and extreme hot weren’t all that dissimilar before, but now?

He was alone once again, blindingly bright, certain no one would come for him. How different was it really from the cold? It would be a rather compelling narrative for him to die, to really die like this. He hoped his crew would tell the story of it, maybe add another verse to lost in the cosmos? That was probably the most he would get. Where were they? Maybe they would just forget about him. Maybe he didn’t matter all that much to them after all. Aurora could fly herself, after all, no need for a pilot. And others could play the drums, could probably pick up the banjo with their infinite time. They didn’t need him. And he had let Fort Galfridian die. If he had just explained to Arthur more clearly, or yelled at Galahad, or been useful for once...

No, his crew wasn’t coming. He didn’t deserve it. He had doomed himself to an agonizing eternity of dying and coming back, then dying, then coming back again, until it finally stuck. He had made his bed, and now he would lie in it. No, he was getting exactly what he deserved. He had committed too many atrocities, let too many horrible things happen to deserve anything other than eternal pain. He may have not been for heaven or hell when he had first died, but he surely deserved hell now. 

Even knowing this was where he should be, Brian couldn’t help but hope his crew would come back for him. Maybe he would even stay on EJM, if it meant they would let him stick around. What it wanted didn’t matter, as long as it did what would make its crew let it stay. It could live with the guilt, already did, if it meant it wouldn’t be alone again. This was helping, it reasoned, if the means were doing what it’s crew wanted, the end of more atrocities being committed could be justified. It knew its crew liked EJM better, and selfishly it hoped that maybe if it was what they wanted it to be, they would let it stay. Maybe if it wasn’t just an insubordinate piece of brass, and actually did what they wanted, it could be included, even if it hated what it was doing. It thought it understood the Toy Soldier’s whole “Just Happy To Be Involved!” thing a little better now. So that was decided. If it’s crew ever came back for it, Brian would stay on EJM, be whatever it’s crew wanted, so it would be at least a millennia or two before they left it behind, alone again. It hoped they would be back soon. 

(When they did return, almost a century later, apologizing for taking so long, it simply smiled and said it was okay, that it was just glad to be back, having been flipped to EJM some number of reformations ago.)


End file.
